An Open Letter To My Big Girl On Her Birthday

TO MY BIG GIRL ON YOUR BIRTHDAY-

First of all, HAPPY BIRTHDAY my Angel. I cannot even believe you are 5. You are such a big girl. You have reached “big girl status”. I remember as you were growing up, I kept thinking, “Wow, 6 years old is going to be tough. That is officially “big girl status”, going off to Kindergarten and everything.”! Yet, here we are, you are five and going off to Kindergarten just a few days after your birthday. I have so many emotions about this. One minute I’m excited for you, like when you tell you are ready and will be fine. Then I’m sad because you are no longer a baby… or a little girl. Right now though, I’m scared. I am just scared that while you’re away from 8:15 to 2:40, you will need me and I will not be there. Thinking about this makes me think about the first time you said MOMMA! It was my birthday and you were not feeling well at all. I walked out of the room to grab my phone and you cried, and then you called for me. It really was a bittersweet moment. You were sad and needed me, but I was there.

Now I am remembering all the days this past year when we were both frustrated and in tears because you simply couldn’t play alone. There were many excuses; I’m scared, I don’t know what to do, I need to help you clean, I need curtains so I don’t see outside, but it just came down to you not wanting to be without me. And I always knew that. I just knew that attempting to work on your independence was important. But I gave up on that. I stopped trying because I remember thinking about a day where you would just go in your room and not want to come down or a day where you’d be in school all day and I would miss our time. I would miss building a Lego village. I would miss Stacie and Chelsea having horse riding competitions and Barbie and Ken going on, yet another, date night at Tiana’s restaurant. Now I’m here talking about that day like it’s still so far away. It’s like, 3 days from now. You’ll be gone all day, and I will want so badly to play Kitties for 2 hours while my butt falls asleep. It really does come and go so fast. And that literally hurts my heart.

My mind is really all over the place. I am now thinking about how many awesome things you did this year. Let’s list them, big girl. You completed another year of preschool, you went to Disney and got to meet Ariel, you went back home to WI twice, you played t-ball and did so well, you had your THIRD dance recital, you played your first piano recital and did beautifully, you learned to tie your shoes, you have started reading, you have made some super best friends, you have grown, we’ve gone through some sickness, you started speech therapy which only make you a better reader and speaker, you chopped your hair off!, you let Mommy and Daddy go on a date which was so nice of you, you have gotten braver and somehow more silly, and you have stayed sweet. That sounds like an amazing year to me! I cannot even imagine the adventures we are going to have when you are 5!

So today, your Birthday, will be filled with happiness because who doesn’t love a birthday and gifts?! Tomorrow, at your Candyand party, I will be filled with excitement as your friends get their faces painted and eat way too much sugar. Sorry moms. Sunday, we will make sure everything is set for Monday, your first full day of school. I’ll be filled with a sick feeling, that’s for sure. I’ll probably yell at your Daddy for everything because I’ll be too nervous to even try and speak like a normal person. When Monday comes, I will be filled with every emotion possible from when we get up until I drop you off. I will try very hard to semi hold it together. I do not want to scare or upset you. I love that you love school and I would never want to take that away from you. I know you’ll be the sweet, silly, and smart girl you are. Your teacher will love you. You will make a new friend, I’m sure. You will LOVE lunchtime. I promise to pack you treats.

I just want you to know that I will feel empty every day you are gone, but we will get used to it. We have to. I have to. Having that “Mommy Status” means letting your kiddos go. So go and shine, Bunny. You Big Girl.

Love, Mommy

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